Bike shorts for someone you love

Seen in the morning papers. I expect to see at least ONE local team sporting this kit. Flanders or SPBC -- which onanistic team will get to these first?



Alas, not available in a bib. Yet.

God is in the details -- and in the Merino

We've been singing the praises of wool for years now, while at the same time bitching about bike polo and never getting friended by BikeCommuters.com.

So we're especially conflicted about this post: Here's one of the more garish and gorgeous wool cycling jerseys we've seen this side of 1975.



This thing would look pretty styling at the bowling alley, too, methinks.

Nifty duds

Campagnolo has launched a website and online store dedicated just to its clothing lines. Aside from the caps and the socks, I'm not sure why anyone would make the extra effort to buy Campy tights, say, or a shell.

As Yvon Chouinard would be glad to tell you, there are a hundred million reasons why hardware companies want to get into "soft lines." Chief among them: Huge margins, thanks to all those grubby little kids in Southeast Asia willing to stitch your 6-panel shorts together for a penny per panel.

Strange times we live in: Car companies making bikes, bike companies making clothes, clothes companies making bikes, and cheap bikesnob imitations popping up everywhere like weeds.

Why do 'cross racers wear fag bags?

It's one of the great conundrums of cycling, and we're indebted to anonymous reader for suggesting that we tackle it.

While the skinsuit is an expected accessory at the velodrome -- along with lots of other depredations like motorcycle exhaust on the track, the handholding "slingshot," and cranks that are shorter than Bob Roll's ponytail -- we sort of expect that. Track racing is to cycling what the hamster wheel is to the Appalachian Trail. I'm not saying the hamster wheel doesn't have its selling points. But they are selling points that appeal to riders who can't manage difficult manuevers like the right-hand turn or the hand-brake modulation.

That all said, track racing shares another thing with cyclocross besides the skinsuit: it's a lot more fun for the spectators than it is for the competitors. You get to find a comfortable place from which to survey the entire scene, you get to drink alcohol, and you are free to mouth off to the same competitor in the same dopey skinsuit each time he passes you on the course.

The long-sleeved skinsuit is only marginally better than the long-sleeved long-legged skinsuit -- the ultimate fagbag normally reserved for skiers. But one could make the argument that the long-sleeved, short-legged skinsuit is fundamentally a fashion faux pas, rather like the short-sleeved suit jacket, or wearing socks with sandals.

On the upside, the skinsuit speaks to a brand of stripped down minimalism -- no pockets, no visible zippers -- that we can appreciate. You will not see a skinsuit dude sporting one of those scrotal saddle bags, any more than you will see a roadie wearing a camel-bak or a dirtbag sporting barends on his risers.

Other than this question of style, I can't think of another reason why 'cross racers humiliate themselves by wearing such gay clothes. Since most serious cyclists have now fully bought into the various myths around the superiority of bibs over shorts (Hey, Eddy Merckx never wore silly suspenders on his Molteni woolens, I guarantee it), it's not like you'll catch the seat of your pants on your saddle, and if some part of your bike is getting stuck between your separates, you've got much bigger problems than fashion.

No, the only thing that makes sense to me is that 'cross racers are by nature masochistic, and skinsuits are like hair shirts for martyrs. They draw the opprobrium of tasteful regular people sure, but they also require a specific mortification of the flesh: There is nothing more humiliating than having to get completely naked in order to take your pre-race constitutional in a freezing cold porta-potty. Those of us who suffer from redundant bouts of the pre-lineup skitters know this better than anyone, and insist on old-fashioned, Merckx-approved shortpants for quick access and easy cleanup.



And one more thing: If skinsuits are not completely and inherently gay, why do "they" (You know, they) go through such pains to make them look like separates?

(Actually, I take that back about Eddy Merckx. And I'm ordering my vintage Molteni skinsuit right now, with my left hand.)

Under-reported liability of bike commuting: D'oh I forgot my pants!

That recurring dream you have about showing up at work half naked? It's a reality, more or less, for those of us who commute to work.

Todd Brugger usually forgets his belt on the day he's packed a pair of pants missing a button.But the financial analyst for Northwest Permanente who jogs or bikes to work has a quick fix.

He staples his pants closed.

Most folks take a more obvious approach, darting to department stores, discounters or second-hand shops for socks, underwear, bras, shirts or pants. Forgetting is a natural part of bike or foot commuting, enthusiasts say. So it stands to reason that Portland -- the nation's most bike-commuter-populated city -- has its fair share of shoot-I-forgot-it shoppers.

We know a few fellows who could stand to have their flys stapled shut.

And this also argues on behalf of more people dressing like bike messengers -- you know, some sort of casual-wear that works both on the bike and in the reception area -- rather then getting into a silly spandex getup every morning.

Haiku Reviews #8: The Adidas Minnret

Hate The Redesign

He rides in queer shoes
Little black ballet slippers
When will winter come?

More on the Adidas Minnret here.

Haiku Reviews #7: Showers Pass Elite jacket

Probably the Greatest Cycling Rain Gear Ever Devised

A great lover, rain
Dry kisses on his shoulder
Warm breath envelope

More on the Shower's Pass Elite

Pinch Flat Poll! The best looking pro jersey is...

OK, we've had our fun with the worst looking jerseys in the nation. Let's consider the best looking jerseys in the TDF peloton.

You look like no one loves you

Fatty has posted the winners of his ugly jersey contest (that's it over there to the right, you can read the gory details here) -- an awesome idea that we wish we'd thought of--but we're shameless enough to appropriate.

'Cept for here at Pinch Flat News, we're going to make it easy for you and just predetermine the ugliest jerseys ever, which are available to the general public, and regularly seen on bike paths across the country:

Anything by this company...

Make them stop. Please don't encourage bad design by wearing their jerseys in public. (OK to wear if you train alone in your basement, or if you do most of your riding in coal mines.)

Incidentally, we blame Performance Bike for the ubiquity of these heinous duds. Which also necessitates this remark: the more ubiquitous the jersey, the uglier it gets. We've now pretty much had it with Cofidis, Quick-Step, Discovery, and Euskatel jerseys too, with so many paunchy Tom Dick and Harrys sporting 'em on American byways.

The effort to break the (Howies) commuting world record

One of the fellers at Howies is trying to set a new personal record for his half-hour bike commute. First, he attempted the feat with a LeMonde fixie. Then he switched to a fully geared freewheel. Now he's begging Trek to loan him a TT bike.

Can he do it?

We certainly hope he can, and we'd love to see more of this kind of low-level corporate sponsorship for mundane but highly personal achievements.

Ask a naked bike rider!

If you are like us, there are about a million things you've always wanted to ask a naked bike rider. Here are a few things we'd like to know:

1) Is it required to ALWAYS maintain eye contact with your fellow naked bike riders?

2) Is it OK to ask other naked bike riders about things other than their bikes or their politics?

3) How do you feel about leather versus vinyl seats?

4) Would you be willing to help us with the body paint in those hard-to-reach places?

5) Is it cool if we call a naked ride on a recumbent bicycle a "couch dance"? How about "a reclining nude"?

6) Sucking in the gut for long periods of time — good idea, or not?


What would YOU like to ask a naked bike rider? We'll forward all questions to an actual naked bike rider.

Velcouture

Biking dress for the discerning cyclist. A collection of pics of very fashionable bicyclists can be seen at this flickr site.



Pics taken from the aforementioned website.


Ride On.

Master and slave... of fashion

If you're like us, you were suckered by Cycles Gladiator wines the first time you saw it at the local package store. That's a nice label, innit? It's an actual logo from the heyday of French and Italian machines circa 1895.

But we never knew if the California winery was into bikes-- or just into reviving a sexy old French cycling logo.

Turns out, the winery is into the bikes. Last month, they sponsored an interesting (if somewhat wrongheaded) fashion show called Cycle Chic wherein participants were asked to create commuter friendly fashion. This is an area of great personal concern, since every pair of pants we own has a seat-shaped fade in the ass, along with grease-blackened cuffs.

If they could make pants with a kevlar ass and teflon cuffs, we'd be pretty happy with that.