Unhappy Ending: The case for wearing chamois butter all the time

Or at least getting some rollers and a real bike...

"The victim was then forced to strip, after which he was superglued to the seat of an exercise bicycle, his hands were superglued, as were his feet and then his mouth was superglued shut," said Stokoe.

The attackers, dressed in suits and armed with handguns and what appeared to be an automatic assault rifle, ransacked the house and safe "whilst helping themselves to Chivas Regal and the like."

And the like? Like what? Cap'n Morgan? Vienna Sausages? A family-pack of Irish Spring soap bars? Inquiring minds!

The Wind Breaker sez: Stop this trend before it gets worse

Trials bikes without seats. Function has officially triumphed over form. Dude, you're an AMAZING rider, but your bike looks ridiculous. Let's just get rid of that top-tube and call it a scooter, shall we?

Lookit, one of the main differences between cool bikes and dumb bikes is how they look. Therefore, y'know... dumb bike. Unless, of course, you suffer from chronic hemrhoids.

Hey, you got your chocolate in my Pudenda!

You know how every bike seat comes these days with a "love channel" down the center? The idea is to relieve pressure on your nether parts, the better to enjoy post-ride activities that might include, well, shagging the lovely Betty you were chasing all day. (Personally speaking: Judging from the exploits that are detailed and amplified on most Thursday night rides, it seems that none of MY friends suffer from "saddle induced erectile dysfunction," but we'll trust the experts on this.)

Anyway there's a new medical journal study out that says all the gel-seats and love channels in the world won't save you if you don't know how to properly perch on your seat:

Bicycle riding has been linked to an increased risk of erectile dysfunction (ED) and abnormal perineal sensations in male riders, which are postulated to result from compression of the internal pudendal arteries and/or the pudendal nerves. Bicycle seat manufacturers have responded with a variety of seat designs intended to reduce the potential for pudendal artery and nerve compression...

And the study finds...

Rider position can nearly eliminate the improvements that the grooved seat provides.

So, you know, riding around with a beer in one hand and a Camel Filter in the other is a good way to ensure that you won't be getting any action after the ride. (If you don't have trouble with your, uh, top tube, then maybe it's your surly personality.)

Urban Dirt, Mpls edition: To Lebanon & Back

The east-side River Bottoms are open all the way from Mendota to Silver Bell, except for about 20 yards of wading right in the middle (the usual washout section).

Pleased to report that the new shoes drain very nicely, thanks VeloRogers!

Leb was tacky and fast, and doggone crowded of a Saturday morning. The sober first wave were just looping it out, slow in tennies and on Magnas. I expect the dirtbags and singlespeeds to roll in once they've had their bloody marys. 29ers to follow, with their silly looking bikes.

Caught Zito at Minnehaha Cafe, sunning himself and generally rehabilitating.

I know from experience that heavy medication has a way of, well, sort of binding a fellow up. So says I: Nothing softens yer stool better than fours hours in the saddle with Lebanon in the middle. —Dirt D'Urban