An Amusement & Diversion for The Genteel Cyclist. Daily.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Cleanliness is next to godliness, which is adjacent to fascism

Today I was sitting in the dentist's chair. I looked down at myself, and saw a bunch of schmeng on the front of my wool sweater--the Spot Brand "Dayton jacket" that I wear just about every day at this time of the year. It was also liberally sprouted with dog and cat hair, small bread crumbs and/or dandruff, and a nickel-sized smear of pizza sauce on one of the cuffs. "Geeze, what a slob," I said to myself. When the dental hygienist sees me, how will she size me up?

Guy obviously cuts his own hair. Sweater grabbed off the top of the dirty pile. Swobo knickers that look like they were used to butter a snake. Clown-colored socks.

I'm sure she got a sinking feeling. Like what must this dude's mouth look like: Maybe an ant colony? Maybe a lurid pink and black cave emitting a horrendous gas-like stench? Little black nubbins where teeth used to be, gums like chewed-up bleeding bubbleyum?

I DO like those Swobo knickers an awful lot, no matter how assy they smell. Perhaps I'll buy a black pair next time.

And for the record, only one cavity--actually just a replacement filling. Musta shaken loose out in Montana last week.


TOMMY GUN said...

Good God, Shane MacGowan, wash up already...And what exactly is "buttering the snake?"

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