An Amusement & Diversion for The Genteel Cyclist. Daily.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

And now for something completely different

Re: Why rednecks may rule the world.

You know, I'm pretty fucking sick and tired of being put down and dismissed and disrespected for being educated and living in a city and having values that run a bit more esoteric than how to fucking field dress a goddamn moose. Fuck these people and their stupid fucking values. Fuck guns and hunting. Fuck "self-sufficiency" and flannel and ATVs and jet-skis. You want a goddamn culture war, you got it. I'm tired of you selfish petty assholes ruining every goddamn election and running this country to ground, all because you want a president you can be comfortable drinking a Bud with.

My God-fearing, Republican parents worked their asses off to give me a good education, and though they might regret it, I don't intend to waste it being put down by a bunch of beer-bellied asshats who are somehow more "authentic" and "real" and "American" than me and everyone I know and respect and wish to spend time with.

And the idea that "rednecks" are tough enough to take being called "rednecks" to their face is patently ridiculous. Rednecks CANNOT take a joke or a putdown or any kind of criticism that comes from anyone outside their inbred, idiotic circlejerk of Republican lickspittles. Least of all from the so-called liberal media. Who do you think invented that whole "liberal elite media" thing? Dipshit rednecks.

I'm sick and tired of not being represented by my president, of being embarrassed by him and the people who elected him. I'm sick of apologizing to friends and acquaintances abroad. I'm sick of making excuses for American mistakes, missteps, fuck ups. I'm sick of pretending that America is automatically right simply because we're America. It's embarrassing. Our country has been turned into an international -- no a GALACTIC-- laughing stock by a bunch of profiteering, selfish suits who did it with the password "BUDWEISER" and the yuk-yuks and wink-winks of the retarded "cultural South." I'm sick of seeing this country run into the ground for selfish, stupid reasons. I'm sick of making excuses for major American coprorations to continue to rape the planet for personal profit. I'm sick of "maximizing return" to"stockholders." I'm fucking sick of snowmobiles, and ATVS and dirt bikes, and Thirty Ought Sixes. I'm tired of your fake hillbilly accent. You are ruining the planet, and you're wrecking the view, and you're stinking up the place, and you don't even pay your fair share of taxes, you ignorant socialist tit-suckers.

I'm for people. As many people as possible. I'm for the planet. I'm for profit, as long as it doesn't come at anyone's expense. I'm for diversity of experience, of life. I want to travel everywhere and be respected because my country is a bastion of rights for all individuals, no matter what the color of their skin or the flavor of their beliefs, or the origin of their parents.

If you're not with me, you're against me. Ride a bike every day, and call me in 12 months.

Ahhhhh, spleen. Much better.

30 comments:

Josh Boggs said...

Word.

Anonymous said...

Ooh this line is my favorite - "And most of all we are defiant and suspicious of authority, and people who are "uppity" (sophisticated) and "slick" (people who use words with more than three syllables). Two should be enough for anybody. "

Ick. These people should not breed.

the original big ring said...

Whoot! Reminds me of the Denis Leary song "Asshole" . . . . just wicked.

As a Canadian, it's hard to keep watching the States keep shooting themselves in the foot every time there's an election.

Good luck Obama!

decay said...

Yessir! Hallelujah!

jamie said...

fuck yeah. i hope they all die before november. die. die. die.

Anonymous said...

I'm standing up and cheering you!

Skibby said...

and you think the elitist marxists are the answer? NOT. VOTE LIBERTARIAN

Anonymous said...

Wow! How'd the dakota five-o go?

charlie

Tucker said...

Could this be more generational and less geographical? I really don't know the answer.

thE_kErnEl said...

i'm with ya

Doc said...

Um, the last two Dem presidents were from the deep south--Bill and Jimmy were more truly "redneck" than any of the cowboy hat wearing phonies crawling around D.C. today. Jimmy even "Billy beer" but you're much too young to remember that.

Love your blog--lose the partisan rants, they never work unless you want to be like Rush, and who would?

CycloneCross said...

Nice post - way to git er done! ;)

Anonymous said...

As a self-proclaimed hillbilly I would just like to weigh in here saying I've never felt like the goddamned president did anything worth a damn in my best interest. And this is actually the average opinion of the majority of my home-state Kentucky peers. That said I would just like to add for the record an extra, "Fuck you, too yuppie scum." Thanks for being a slanderous, small-minded, geographically bigoted, dickhead. As a certified Kentucky Colonel/bike messenger/redneck, whose lived in chicago for going on ten years now, I can genuinely, from the bottom of my heart say the feeling is mutual. You are a detriment to the species. THAT said, I'd like to clarify, most deep-southerners hate whichever numbskull happens to be in power because we resent big government in general. We're not all the rebel flag-waving, bud gizzling cretins you filthy "civilized" twits think we are. Fuck your noise once more for good measure. Y'all have a nice day, now.

Anonymous said...

Ah, spleen. Now please, back to the bike blogging.

Jim Thill said...

Entertaining rant (truly), but an intellectual like you may benefit to think more outside the convenient box of partisan politics.

Anonymous said...

Bare in mind that the modern term reedneck has taken on an entirely new meaning from what it was originally, a term coined about the railroad builders in Tennessee during the 1800's who fought back against their employers and stood to unionize for better pay and working conditions. Their 'red necks' came from the red scarves/bandanas they wore as a symbol of their brotherhood as workers. There was a killer PBS special on this awhile back and I suspect you may be able to dig it up through their website. The modern redneck term became slang for those of poor learnings as these workers, facing little opportunity in the communities they were from, were not the brightest candles in the room due to a lack of infrastructure. But they did understand the decency that all people were entitled to, as they frequently stood by minorities, primarily free blacks and Asians. Alas the modern Redneck knows of their history of ignorance but not of their championing of human and worker rights. Stupid television....

Pinchie said...

Well you know: my blog my opinion, etc. etc. etc.


i like budweiser as much as the next guy, and though I'm not a hunter (evil childhood accident, don't ask), I am retarded for walleye fishing, and I honestly like a jet-ski ride now and again.

But none of these things rise to the level of qualification for president, and if "no president" in living memory has done a damn thing for you, Kentucky, then WHY THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP VOTING FOR THEM. Why don't you actually helo elect someone who -- though he sips Chablis and eats arugula, will actually give you a tax cut, and git all yer cousins out of BumFuck, Iraq? Why?

OK, end rant. Back to cycling, I promise.

pmax said...

Yeah! Kentucky! What he said.

Doc said...

You know, I used to LOVE Garrison Keillor until he went all political and started making fun of only one side. Now, naaah.

One more rant with more f-bombs than real adjectives, and I'm taking you off my "Blogs I read" list. I know, big whoop.

Let's put the gentile back into PFN. Thank you for listening.

Doc said...

Oops, GENTEEL.

WheelDancer said...

Well put! I am definitely with you, ride every day I'm not broken and will offer you a Stella Artois the day after we get the Retardlicans out of our White House.

jg said...

Pinchie brings the heat...and it's needed! If you ride your bike and vote GOP, have are conflicted. Cyclists typical have values and concern for others.

erik k said...

that was beautiful man. god I hate rednecks

Provocateur said...

Amen to Doc!

You can't spew hateful generalizations and insults and expect anyone to think you are objective or thoughtful. You assume that all cyclists should agree with your smoldering political prejudice. I'm as cyclocentric as anyone, don't question my qualifications. I realize that NO politician is going to be our salvation, so I don't get too worked up about it. Let's start trying to find some middle ground we can agree on and stop feeding divisiveness.

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