Breaking! Man who had sex with bike pleads guilty!
MAN WHO HAD SEX WITH BIKE IN COURT
[Wait, he had sex with the bike in court, too? We're confused.--Eds.]
A man has been placed on the sex offenders’ register after being caught trying to have sex with a bicycle.
Robert Stewart was discovered in his room by two cleaners at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr, south west Scotland, in October last year.
On Wednesday Mr Stewart admitted to sexual breach of the peace in Ayr Sheriff Court, where depute fiscal Gail Davidson described how he had been found by the hostel workers.
She said: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.
"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white T-shirt, naked from the waist down.
"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."
Both witnesses, who were extremely shocked, notified the hotel manager, who in turn alerted the police.
Early reports suggest that the bike was a 2008 Specialized Stumpjumper FSR. Police vice units around the world have been put on alert in anticipation of December shipments.
(The bike the Telegraph used to illustrate this story is a GT. Obviously, their photo editor is not a cyclist.)
(Also this: If you can't have sex with your bike in the privacy in your own hotel room, where the hell can you? Don't answer that...)
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