An Amusement & Diversion for The Genteel Cyclist. Daily.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Actually, this bag once contained Jan Ulrich's blütwurst

Not sure if the earnest, humor-impaired fellers over at get the joke, but some very silly ebay auctioneer is trying to sell "blood doping bags" that contained the juice of admitted, I-smoked-but-I-didn't-intend-to-inhale doper Ivan Basso. (This whole story just kinda bums me out, cos I liked Basso. Jag off. He sure is losing his hair fast, too.)

Dude writes,

DIRECT TO YOU FROM MADRID by way of Italy, Germany, etc!! These slightly used, completely “clean” and still perfect blood bags can hold your supplies of hemoglobin-rich, EPO-infused, blood transfusions for your mid-season training “boost” (especially if you are competing in the NCNCA Masters races). These are the very same Dr.Fuentes approved PROFESSIONAL Quality blood bags you’ve read so much about and were previously used just to store, and never, never, EVER, actually make available, blood doping supplies to their owners.

Your training partners and fellow competitors will be as amazed like Gibo was when you go flying past them on the slopes! You’ll climb like a god. Heck, use enough of these “products” and you may be JOINING the gods! Let’s face it! When it comes to winning a rare and valuable Leibold T-shirt, you have to put it ALL on the line, right? Who cares if your balz shrivel-up like a dropped clifbar on a sunny day? Unexpected heart-failure? Hey, just everybody stand back while I shout “CLEAR!”.

Keep an eye out for upcoming auctions and collect the whole Madrid series! We’ve got Ivan Basso, Jorg Jaksche, Oskar Sevilla (All except Ullrich’s, of course, that one sold already!) But we’ll soon have Valverde, Hamilton, and a whole S***-load of unheard of Spanish guys, (they’ll go cheap, those poor devils). Use “Buy-It –Now” and I’ll include several famous rider’s signatures that will be just as authentic as their recent Giro d’Italia and Tour de France and other Pro Tour race wins.

Bonus! Download soon I-tunes: the Manolo Saiz' Boys Choir singing:

Ninety-Nine Baggies of Blood on the Wall,

Ninety-Nine Baggies of Blood!

Take one down, infuse it around,

Ninety-Eight Baggies of Blood on the Wall!

Needless to say, this prankster should get in touch with Pinch Flat News stat!