This is a lube headline without a cheap sexual innuendo!

So I went to the shop to buy some chain lube. Left the Stumpjumper out in the rain for a night on the bikestand, unprotected, cos I didnae have a drop of oil in the house, and ended up getting lubed myself, if you follow my meaning.

Anyway, they only had Boeshield T-9, and I swear to God every time I use that stuff, it's like glue. At last year's Cable Classic, Markney sprayed a bunch on my chain, and the thing became a dirt magnet. By the end of the race, it was no longer a chain, but more like a rope that had been buried in clay for 12 months.

Besides, T-9 doesn't smell like squat. I want my lube to smell yummy, and make my head swim a little bit. I'm not a huffer, exactly, but I do like to get my cheap kicks.

White Lightening smells slightly ammoniac like Elmer's paste. The Finish Line stuff all has a pleasant minerally smell, their dry lube is especially pleasant and gasoline-like.

Best of all is the sweet, bubblegummy odor of Tri-Flo, but don't try squirting it directly into your nostril, unless you have the little red stir-stick that occasionally comes with a can.