Look Ma, No Bike #4 Who needs an anvil anyway?

Really not sure when Homie Fall Fest is going down this year, and my liver would like for my brain to remain ignorant of the date, but my heart says it would be awesome cool to see something like this down at the River Bottoms.

With the age of steel frames and cotter-pin cranks a thing of the past, who needs an anvil anymore anyway?

Also this: When, where, and why is the World Anvil Shooting Championship?

CX References

Yikes! A week has gone by, and in the meantime we had some fun at the Wirth "Classic" Cyclocross race, didn't we? Not sure what makes it classic, other than the fact that it was the 2nd Annual (though Geno tells me there used to be a semi-regular outlaw cross race there back in the day), that the course made zero use either of the annoying new paved path running through the heart of our beloved singletrack, nor the singletrack, that it contained three too many 180-degree hairpins in loose hummus (or was it babaganoush?) that the roadies simply could not negotiate, but geeze I sound like I'm complaining, when in fact it was an awesome good time, and a fun challenge -- especially the stairclimb up out of Bareass Beach, which finally made me feel like my absurdly long stair repeats at MHaHa make some sense. To top all of that, I finished about mid-pack (granted, in the C race for biggest loser) and that's more soothing to my fragile ego than finishing last in the B race, plus racing for 30 minutes -- while admittedly being totally gay -- was awesome. Plus, most excellent ride Miss KellyMack.

That all said, I wanted to post this funny Times typo. Given Michi Kakutani's vicious nose-holding flush of Jon Lethem's new novel "Chronic City," it seemed a most delicious Freudian slip. Bye Bye, indeed. When will we see another novel as good as Fortress of Solitiude, or even Motherless Brooklyn? I mean, I was willing to forgive "You Don't Love Me Yet" as a placeholder, but it looks like Lethem is well past sophomore slump with nothing to show for it.



I do feel sorry for him. But I feel more sorry for myself, because Fortress was one of my favorite books of the last 10 years or so.

Dude looks a bit like Paul Westerberg, dunnee? Let's hope this nasty review doesn't drive him to the same level of agoraphobic underachievement.

(That would be mean, if it wasn't coming from an agoraphobic underachiever like myself.)

Chuck Norris is cool. If you're an earthling

The cosmic soup, set to vocoder and tunez. Carl Sagan will get his revenge!

Think Carl was worried about whether or not anyone showed up to the race in Lycra? No fucking way!

• If Carl rode a bike, it was a Nishiki Cresta with a dark-matter basket on the front.
• Carl dated your mom, and he said she was post-doctoral but not, like, fellowship material.
• When Carl was a child, he carried the one-- a trillion digits.
• Carl met you in a parallel universe, and still kicked your ass on the NYTimes crossword.
• Carl's dog swam to the Galapagos Islands backwards, and ate a tour group of Creationists. When he shit them out, they became mild-mannered tortoises.
• Carl rode the first Dakota 50 and slept in Perry's yard. He rolled a joint with Strontium 235.
• Carl rode a tandem at the Chequamegon Fat Tire 40 this year, but the stoker was in 1995.
• Carl digs Gatorade and Clif bars, but he thinks Cytomax and Hammer Gel are "irrational."
• All of Carl's turtlenecks are New Zealand Merino, bitch.
• When Carl was born, your great-grandmother punched your great-grandfather for having shitty stupid sperm.
• God said Jesus could have the past, but Carl gets the future.
• The "Horsehead Nebula" was named after Carl's penis, which is roughly the same size.
• Carl has so many honorary degrees that the boiling point is now 230F
• .The Nobel people were so humiliated when they met Carl that they changed the name of their award to the Nobel Piece of Shit Prize.
• When Carl takes out his garbage, the Universe digs through it to try to figure out what he's all about.
• Carl's brain is so big that it's actually been declared the 10th planet in the solar system.

Add your Carl Sagan insights in the comments....

Cross Training Begins!

Just recieved: a tape of Pinchie's top-secret Cyclocross Training regimen, scheduled for Tuedays at Minnehaha park.

All I can say is: Dude, that's some pretty radical dryland training. But I think maybe you're confused about the whole mount/dismount thing. You need a bike for that.

Look Ma, No Bike #3 Well Hung! Hanged?

I'm not sure, but I think Cass McCoombs was cogitatin' on Shirley Jackson's classic gothic short story "The Lottery" when he rolled this joint:

But the ending sure made me think of Ol' Pinchie at the Dakota 50 this weekend!

Look Ma No Bike #2: Where Kids Come From

Pinchie certainly knows where kids come from.... do you?

They come down from heaven on a penis-shaped, air-inflated slide!

Best part of this? Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" played through a toilet-paper tube! Killah.