Why do kids like bikes?

OK, I'm not going to belabor this point, because I'll start seeming like an elitist prick.

But when kids think a Mongoose is an upgrade from a Next, and when they have to be repeatedly prompted to say that biking is "fun" ("fast" and "better than walking" rank higher)... well, something just ain't right. Cue the Dynacrap rant...

The Wal-Mart of bike shops is... Wal-Mart?

You know, Constant Reader, how we feel about Dynacrap bikes -- those cheap department store models that are a blight on the land because they are badly built and no fun to ride and ultimately turn kids off to riding. In June, we reached a sort of apotheosis-- Skateboarder Tony Hawk (!) signed a deal with Dynacraft (makers of such fine brands as Magna and Vertical bikes) to introduce a whole new line of complete crap to the Targets and K-Marts of the world.

Well, but now there's this: Wal-Mart is going all Ultegra with this new $1900 ride...

What do you say to that, genteel cyclist? In our little corner of the world, we have a hard time believing that anyone looking to drop Two Gees on a road ride would darken the doorstep of a Wal-Mart. On the other hand, if Joe and Jane Sixpack begin to understand that a good dependable ride is worth a significant chunk of change, perhaps it spells the first letter in the epitaph of Dynacrap bikes.

(By the way, we're not saying a discount carbon frame equipped with Ultegra is a "good dependable ride." Actually, we'd never say that about carbon, but we're funny that way.)

Making limeade out of limes

We're on the record as being completely conflicted about Trek's new everyman/everywoman bike, the Lime. We don't want to be snobs on the level of bike messengers, and pretend that everyone who doesn't ride a Ciocc fixie is a poseur and a prick. And any bike that gets people riding and puts a smile on their face is basically a good bike.

Still, everything we hear and read about the Lime makes our teeth hurt and our skin crawl. Like this press release from Volkswagen of Chicago, who inform us that they're giving away Lime bikes and Saris racks with every purchase of a new Rabbit.

The Lime, one of Trek's newest bikes, comes standard with Shimano's coasting technology, incorporating a three-speed automatic transmission that changes gears automatically to make bike riding more enjoyable.

Uh, we weren't aware that shifting was such a drag, such an impediment to cycling. Just so, there's a simpler solution: Don't shift. Better yet, ride a singlespeed.

The Lime is also customizable with "skins," a chain guard grip color decal, which can be switched out to the color of your choice. The Lime's most important features are its environmental friendliness and promotion of a healthy lifestyle.

Those are pretty high-falutin' features for a free bike. So we're sticking with our basic Dynacrap line: A bike that is no fun to ride is crap, for the simple reason that no one will ride it. Power to the people is all fine and good, but there are far more Magnas tied to parking meters with swingset chain than the world needs. Perhaps a few more Ciocc fixies would not be a bad thing.

Pimp my abandoned ride

Here's a nifty company that salvages old bikes and gives them the cinderella treatment: They're called Special Bikes, and they cost a bit more than you'd expect for a found object. (Roughly $500-$1500 per.) Hopefully they aren't pawning off any Dynacrap products. As the old saying goes, you can't polish a turd. And no amount of powdercoat is going to make a Magna suck any less.

Overheard at the shop

Woman: "I'm old enough now that I really think I deserve a good bike that I'll ride forever."

Geno: "How much are you looking to spend?"

Woman: "Around $300."

Geno: Sigh

See now, that's what Dynacraft has done to bicycling. Because shiny, brand-new Magnas and Verticals and Nexts round up to around $300 at K-Mart and Target, people think they can get a good bike at just about any price.

My view: "A good new bike that I'll ride forever" and $300 are mutually exclusive. You have to pick one or the other. A bike you'll want to ride forever is, in my view, priceless. But since you and I don't have a bottomless wallet, you and I'd expect to pay at least $500, and we'd brace ourselves for around $1000. Even then, we'd have to shop smart. Lady, for $300 you will HATE your bike, and never ride it. Wasted money.

For the record, the woman liked what she saw in the rocking new Swobo Otis. But it was twice as much as she expected to pay. For a good new bike. That she'd ride forever. She should follow her instinct and her nose, not her price point.

What do you think the minimum price is for a new bike that you'd ride forever?