An Amusement & Diversion for The Genteel Cyclist. Daily.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Best. Craigs. List. Bike. Listing. Ever. Plus one.

A couple of fully awesome Craig's List postings forwarded by my beloved bro, down in No Carolina:



Bike for sale

What kind of bike? I don't know, I'm not a bike scientist. What I am though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike.
This bike is made out of metal and kick ass spokes. The back reflector was taken off, but if you think that deters me from riding at night, you're way wrong. I practiced ninja training in Japan's mount Fuji for 5 years and the first rule they teach about ninja biking is that back reflectors let the enemy know where you are. Not having a rear reflector is like saying "FUCK YOU CAR, JUST TRY AND FIND ME". The bike says Giant on the side because it's referring to my junk, but rest assured even if you have tiny junk that Giant advertisement is going to remain right where it is. I bought this bike for 300 dollars from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when I did. He was so impressed with me he offered me to be his son but I thought that was sissy shit so I said no way. The bike has some rusted screws, but that just shows how much of a bad ass you are. Everyone knows rusted screws on a bike means that you probably drove it underwater and that's bad ass in itself. Those screws can be replaced with shiny new ones, but if you're going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the balls since you're probably a dickless lizard who doesn't like to look intimidating. The bike is for men because the seat is flat or some shit and not shaped like a dildo. If you like flat seated bikes you're going to love this thing because it doesn't try to penetrate your ass or anything. I've topped out at 75 miles per hour on this uphill but if you're just a regular man you'll probably top it out at 10 miles per hour. This thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank.

The bike has 7 speeds in total:

Gear 1 - Sissy Gear

Gear 2 - Less Sissy Gear

Gear 3 - Least Sissy Gear

Gear 4 - Boy Gear

Gear 5 - Pre-teen Boy Gear

Gear 6 - Manly Gear
Gear 7 - Big Muscles Gear

I only like gear 6 and 7 to be honest.


Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a gigantic lock to keep it secure. The lock is the size of a bull's testicles and tells people you don't fuck around with locking up your bike tank. It tells would-be-thieves "Hey asshole, touch this
bike and I'll appear from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-four". Bike is for 150 OBO (and don't give me no panzy prices)
And number two (not necessarily SFW):




Thanks, Charlie! And happy shopping to y'all...

11 comments:

Artfulife said...

That Craig's list listing is so funny. What a hoot!

MMA Banter said...

Very funny entry. Made my morning."Fuck you car, just try and find me." Awesome!

me said...

my kinda bike!!!!

O.V. said...

thats the only way to ride

VickieLynnHomies said...

Haha! That was so funny!

x_X_xThe Black Rabbitx_X_x said...

OH. MY. GOD.

This MADE MY DAY.

LITERALLY.

I just... That's something that I would do. It's.... Splendifferous.

Pinchie said...

Something tells me that the Manly Bike dude might be Hardcore Max.

opop said...

情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, ut聊天室, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網, 影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友,

免費A片, 本土自拍, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片, 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網, 日本A片, 免費A片下載, 性愛, 成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊,

look said...

美女脫光光的照片,美女寫真天蠶變下載,蠟筆小新影片,18成人網,自拍寫真,熟女情色貼圖,卡通美女裸體漫畫,176視訊聊天,免費線上影片,台灣美女寫真集圖片館,小魔女貼影片,小弟弟影片,內衣被拿下來的美女,夢工廠成人影音網站,真實做愛照片,檳榔西施清涼秀,xyz辣妹影音聊天網,熊貓成人貼,金瓶梅成人影片交流區,免費情色電影下載,午夜成人,娘家影片,情色小說,免費網路電視,本土自拍貼圖,聊天室avooo,av片,85cc免費影城,台灣自拍寫真照片館,情色圖書館,免費a圖a片,比基尼辣妹影片,拓網交友,台灣人情色貼圖區,正妹圖片,

自拍偷窺貼圖區,視訊交友90739,內衣美女寫真,維克斯論壇,av片,本土自拍照片,176視訊聊天,聊天,搜樂論壇,交友聊天室,無名正妹強力版,109辣妹自拍,檳榔西施自拍照片,kijiji奇集集,pc交友,愛情公寓聊天室,珠海自拍寫真,ut女同聊天室,735聊天室,情色小站,免費情色小說,小瓢蟲論壇,金瓶梅情色文學,後宮電影案,69成人,自拍美女聊天室,聊天ukiss tw,小弟第貼影片,熟女裸體貼圖,kavo,ut 聊天室,後宮色情電影,a片天堂,a片影片,淫蕩少女貼圖,丁字褲美女影片,麗的情色,視訊聊天,人妻自拍貼圖,免費看aa片,

freefun0616 said...

酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店小姐兼職,
便服酒店經紀,
酒店打工經紀,
制服酒店工作,
專業酒店經紀,
合法酒店經紀,
酒店暑假打工,
酒店寒假打工,
酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店小姐兼職,
便服酒店工作,
酒店打工經紀,
制服酒店經紀,
專業酒店經紀,
合法酒店經紀,
酒店暑假打工,
酒店寒假打工,
酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店小姐兼職,
便服酒店工作,
酒店打工經紀,
制服酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,

,酒店,

Anonymous said...

Fresh coffee beans flavor superior to something you could buy in shops. Did you know you could potentially roast your own personal legumes and savor new coffee daily? It is possible to roast your own beans by placing them in your your oven or utilizing a heating weapon. Acquire some affordable beans to practice. [url=http://www.ss12w12ws.info]Philan4335d[/url]

There was an error in this gadget