Forthwith, our talented and enthusiastic -- if slightly lazy -- intern, Jerry Riggs begins his new column, the Jerry Riggs' Biking Blurb-O-Mat, covering all things great and beautiful and shiny and new in the world of bikes and bike culture.
You know those movie blurbs from Pete Travers in Rolling Stone that whorishly claim every movie ever recorded is the greatest thing set to celluloid? That's sorta how Jerry sold the PFN editorial board on this new feature.
So duck and cover, here comes our intern...
Thanks boss! You are the most terrificest boss ever, and I won't let you down. I'll be the world's greatest blurbifier the world has ever known in the entire world! OK, let's get down to business.
BikeHugger.com Never mind the negative nabobs of bikesnobNYC, and never mind hugging the bike, I want to hug these loveable and earnest cyclists until my SPOKE NIPPLES POP OFF! THE BEST BIKE BLOG EVAH! This one will keep yer tires pumped, your saddle supple, and your fenders out of benders!!! Six Stars!!!!
Team Kenda Tire Calendar Girls. Are they the hottest women on two wheels?! Does Jan Ulrich weigh a billion pounds on frigging JUPITER?! Like double DAH! These beautiful ladies make me want to regrease my seatpost seven ways from Sunday! I intend to do that RIGHT NOW! MEeeeeeeeeeeeeow!
Trek Lime. I know the BOSS hates these things, but I LOVE the idea of an automatic transmission. Without having to worry how to shift gears, I'll make more friends and enjoy riding my bike even more. I'LL MEET THOUSANDS OF INTERESTING PEOPLE who never rode a bike before, the world will spin JUST A LITTLE BIT SLOWER, and GOD IS SMILING DOWN FROM HEAVEN on the greatest bicycling invention since the chain and pneumatic tire!!! Computers and bikes -- they're like fish and water! What took so long to bring these two PEAK HUMAN TECHNOLOGIES TOGETHER?!!! Score another MASSIVE advance to the Wizards of Waterloo!
Next week: BANJO BROTHERS BAGS, 2008 SPECIALIZED STUMPJUMPER, and anything else that lands in my in-box!!
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