"Gild My Ride" -- hit TV show of the (eighteen) nineties?

In the mailbag today, we discovered a $31,900 bike.

Surely it must be the latest carbon-fiber frame mated with aero-grade titanium and a flyweight wheelset with powertaps and flight-deck and ceramic bearings and a Dynacraft-quality paint job--all dusted with the ashes of Lance's missing testicle and Marco's last line of coke? Surely?

Actually, it turns out to be an 80-pound steel bike with no chain.

It's an 1899 Carroll Chainless bicycle. (Granted, some of the parts are nickel, gold, and mother of pearl. Oh, and did we mention the bike once belonged to "Diamond Jim" Brady -- who, incidentally, was once a messenger?) It sold in April at the famous Copake Antique Bicycle Auction in upstate New York.

Did you catch that? Thirty-one large. Not that money matters all that much, but we're suddenly feeling very enthusiastic about garage sales and estate liquidations this weekend.